The Rape of The Undead Lock
by randomreb
Summary: Atrocious parody of the quintessential horror that is 'My Little Pony'. A thought-provoking short story that seeks to answer the daring question: "why are there no stallions in Ponyville?" Follow me into the gloomy, sugar-coated depths of the animistic soul to reveal the dark secret for yourselves...


**RAPE OF UNDEAD LOCK**

It was just another day in Equestria. Magical ponies were doing magical things —like flying or eating cotton candy. Somewhere in the far North a new stallion galloped over the hillocks and through the sugar candy fields into the glorious realm of Technicolor equines. Loopy had a yellow mane and a sharp, white snout - that held a pair of black rimmed spectacles proudly up into the sunrise. He wore a polar-bear beanie hat upon the peak of his fluffy head. Humming merrily to himself, he surveyed Ponyville with gleaming, azure eyes.

A sudden breeze caused Loopy to shiver uncomfortably. He caught sight of a moving shape in the long grass by the foot of the hill. The moaning caused him to shut his eyes and whimper uncontrollably. Horrible visions of damned creatures wriggled into his mind. He'd heard stories, but they couldn't be true. Tales about an undead pony that had trailed his spindly corpse through the _Olde Horse Cemetery_ and around the cracked earth of the _Super Happy Graveyard_ until he found himself confronted by the strange silhouettes of male ponies on their way to Ponyville. Loopy opened his eyes and gasped in horror. Inches away from his nostrils stood an abomination of the natural order. The zombie raised a rotten hoof in greeting.

"The name is Fluffikins."

The white pony pushed his glasses up his snout and coughed politely.

" Pardon?"

Fluffikins sighed. He resigned to himself that an instant friendship was not in the works. He decided that he would take a new form of action.

"Look at that dead bird over there!"

Loopy swivelled his hairy head over to the nearest ditch. He frowned and furrowed his forehead in confusion. There was no dead bird. Fluffikins took his chance. He leapt towards the white pony and clamped down upon his skull. There was a horrendous crunch as molar ground against flesh and bone. The screaming caused a flock of roosting crows to spiral into the air from their hiding place in the trees behind Fluffikins. Bites began to appear all over Loopy's body — until his organs began to flop out of the open gaps in his stomach. Blood seeped from his wounds, staining the grass beneath their feet.

Thud. Loopy's mutilated body crashed into the dirt - causing a dozen red autumn leaves to flutter into the air. Fluffikins nodded to himself, admiring the gooey brains that drizzled from the edge of Loopy's cranium. The gaping mouth of the half-deceased pony still moved. Fluffikins edged closer.

"I came to meet the heroines of Ponyville: Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie…um…the other ones…" Loopy coughed. "Why did you crush my dreams, cruel ghoul?"

" My job is to befriend any new males who try and enter Ponyville."

"I heard there weren't many stallions in this dreamland of friendship, magic and wonder. Right? That's what they told us back in the faraway village of _Newtownpony_."

" I'm afraid there's a strict breeding policy. We can't let any new blood in. Racial superiority and all that."

"Nobody told me!"

A droplet of crimson blood trailed down Fluffikin's spattered cheek and onto Loopy's forehead.

" Nobody said there _wouldn't_ be any breeding...and I'm not one to disappoint."

Loopy began to shriek in terror as the Zombie-pony began to slowly creep over his damaged body. As Fluffikins leered into Loopy's eyes - a yellowed grin spreading from cheek to pus-filled eye socket - Loopy began to cry miserably. The vile deed ended quickly and painfully - and in his last moments of life Loopy choked to death on his own dried blood.

" So this is Ponyville!" shouted a husky voice at the foot of the hill, unawares of the assault occurring merely feet away.

Fluffikins grinned and slid off the corpse of Loopy. He began to chuckle.

" Gotta love Fridays." Fluffikins mumbled as he crept towards his next, unsuspecting victim.

**THE END**


End file.
